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The adventure begins.

Long ago and about five hours away, a screaming little parasite was removed from his mother’s womb. I haven’t really achieved much more than that, even thirty two years later. Maybe I have, but I feel like I’m only starting now.

After learning how to breathe on my own, and no longer being attached umbilically to my mother’s insides, we all found ourselves trying to thrive, drive or survive in the great metropolis of Jamestown, North Dakota. Not much happened in the next eighteen years. Because I was in Jamestown, North Dakota.

About that time, I had a wild notion to get the hell out of that town and pursue some level of intellectual enlightenment greater than that which I received in North Dakota. So I moved. To Aberdeen, South Dakota. Pretty big leap. Higher learning was the reason for my involvement with that town. I supposed I received it. I got a degree, but it didn’t get me a job. But, somehow I managed to snag a wife out of the whole deal. So it couldn’t have been all that bad. Now I’m back to living a parasitic life, but that’s another story entirely.

One of the things I learned in my travails was how to put on makeup and act like I am someone else. Truly. That was a legitimate part of my education. I still do it from time to time, whenever I can. I also learned how to hit things with sticks. I still do that to this day. Furthermore, I learned how to use my voice to irritate people in the most delightful of ways. Delightful to me, anyway. Lastly, I got a degree in reading stuff that was written a long time ago. I still do that sometimes, too. But they don’t pay you for it, unfortunately.

My lady and I were bonded together maritally, and had the wild notion of running away to Europe. Which we did for three weeks, and then ran out of money. You see, she had lived there once before and so did I for about a month. Can you call that living there? I think that when you put clothes in a drawer, buy detergent, do laundry and shop at the grocery store, you might be living there. Or maybe I just want the perceived “prestige” of saying I lived in Europe. Whatever that means.

After our journey in the lands across the ocean, we decided we wanted to vacate and relocate. This time, it actually was a step up. We hopped over here to the Twin Cities. But not after making the grave mistake of moving to a lonely little out-of-the-way town called Howard Lake. For some ungodly reason, we thought this was a suburb. As it turns out, I had to operate a motor vehicle at high speeds over a distance of about 35 miles just to get to my crappy part time job at the devil of all big-box angels, Walmart. This was also in a lonely out-of-the-way town called Buffalo. It was a shameful time in my life. One I wish not to relive. A man’s got to eat, though. I’ll stand by that.

So, when we became smart, we moved the hour to Minneapolis. Where we reside to this moment.

Again, my parasitic life affected my wife, with her slaving over the finances and me looking for something to do that people will pay me for. Not much luck. I ended up picking up dog shit nine hours a day for eight dollars an hour. This was done by hand with a plastic bag. It was warm and soft. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

After being sick of this for an extended period of time, the love of my life suggested that I seek out another institution of higher learning that could perhaps put skills into my head and hands. I had an old chum that attended the Production of Institution and Recording and I was relatively familiar, so I signed up. Here I am. Hopefully, I’ll be able to actually learn how to receive compensation in the form of money that is legal tender for all debts, public and private. I don’t need a lot. Just some. Enough to get the bills paid and to feed the bun that soon coming out of my wife’s oven. That’s right, folks. The parasite has spawned another little parasite.

The adventure begins.

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